Okay so everyone knows I did a blog on facebook early this morning well yes It was the biggest personal one I’ve did yet so if you haven’t seen it please check it out thank you facebook.com/rudylong

I’ve been pushed down so many times

I feel this time will be the last

as I lay here fading

my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past

I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building

as I lay here on the floor

I have no strength to get up

I’m not worth it any more

I remember the day when me and my boyfriend first started talking It was on September 07, 2011 I was on facebook being bored then all of a sudden he hit me up with a friends request. He looked so familiar like I knew him somewhere so I added him, went on his profile into his pictures and right there I knew I went to school with him so I was happy and excited about that lol then later that night he sent me a message saying “what’s up” then from there it was a good friendly conversation but really I knew what he wanted so I was playing hard to get. He wasn’t my type back then so I tried to push him away and playing hard. 

So a few days later I notice he was liking and putting comments on everything on my facebook and everything I post…so yeah he was my litttle facebook stalker lol :) 

I was laying down on the couch one night and he hit me up with a message told me to text him and he give me his number and I was still playing hard on him..so the next day I was with my cousin hanging out and I told her about him so she told me to text him so I did and he was doing yard work so I said “oh cool” and that was it for the rest of the day like I sent him two texts and he sent one lol

He was always hitting me up with a facebook message or even a text but I was always sending him one word answers so that was fun! lol 

one day I was waking from getting my eye brows done and he was calling me two times BUT i sent that to voice mail then he called me the 3th time and I was like “omg is he watching me” lmao again I sent that to voice mail haha

so one day on September 19, 2011 on a nice and warm day..

I was going through some drama with my ex that night before so that morning I was on the bus on my way to lucky’s so I’ve decided to text him so I did and like always he wanted to meet and do something so I told him to come and get me at lucky’s and he did…he took me around town, go cash his check and got me starbucks….we both didn’t say much to each other. 

after driving around for 30mins. We went back to my place. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other so we were having a good conversation until it was time for him to go to the doctor so he left and 20mins later I got a text from him saying “I wanna give u a kiss” I was looking at that text like 4mins trying to make up my mind what to say lol so I said “ok” and he sent back a smiling face. So after the doctor he came back and made himself at home, laying on my couch like it was his place haha we started talking again then somehow we started kisses.

after he left I didn’t know how to feel because when we were driving around he told me he was seeing someone because I kept playing hard to get and kept him waiting THEN before we started kissing he told me he called it off with that guy…

so at this time my mind was confused I didn’t know what to believe or think because I thought he was just like the rest of those guys that’s a “player” so during the next 2weeks I was getting mix signals I didn’t know what was going on hahaha

UNTIL October 1st 2011

I was coming home from walmart putting all my things away and about to lay down on the couch when he text me and told me he sent me a relationship request on facebook and right there I was soooooo confused because back in my day if you wanted to ask someone out you would ask him NOT send a relationship request on facebook hahaha I thought that was cute tho.

So ever since then we been together. Been thru the bad and the good…our relationship at this moment is very good. I never found anyone that I can just talk too about anything before and love so much before. I love him with all my heart and It’s scary being in a relationship in this town because people will make up shit just to get you mad enough to go off on your boy/girl friend or try everything to break you guys apart…we had our share of it lol

I love the way he makes me feel when I’m with him, when I get a text from him and knowing everything is good and I have him to talk too when things get hard. I fell in love with a guy that wasn’t my type when he 1st hit me up BUT I fell in love with everything about him and everyday I feel so great waking up knowing he’s mind :) It’s funny how love turns out to be…I just can’t get enough of him :) lol

1. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?”Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. GIVE UP ON BLAME

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. GIVE UP YOUR SELF-DEFEATING SELF-TALK

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. GIVE UP COMPLAINING

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. GIVE UP THE LUXURY OF CRITICISM

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. GIVE UP YOUR NEED TO IMPRESS OTHERS

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

10. GIVE UP LABELS

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. GIVE UP ON YOUR FEARS

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. GIVE UP YOUR EXCUSES

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. GIVE UP THE PAST

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

You call me cold blooded when you don’t know about my past. You claim that there’s no way to get to my heart. Truth is I used to feel I used to love but all my feelings are now gone. I learned through pain that I must not give my all to anyone because once they leave you’re left with nothing but tears and a shattered heart. So judge me for not taking you seriously.You maybe the real deal or maybe not. But I am not about to risk it.